


Season 2 Episode 7: Is it there to be seen?

by Heligena



Series: Season 2 Drabbles [7]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/F, Internal Conflict
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-30
Updated: 2015-06-30
Packaged: 2018-04-07 00:38:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4242873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heligena/pseuds/Heligena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ok so another episode, another drabble.</p>
<p>This one focuses on Laura's POV and how she responds to Mattie's little dig about her being alluring...for a while.</p>
<p>It was a tiny moment in the ep (and nowhere near as glorious as the broadcast scene which was epic!!) but it got me thinking as to how Laura might take that comment.</p>
<p>Anyways, here it is.</p>
<p>Hope you like.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Season 2 Episode 7: Is it there to be seen?

“I can see why Carm likes you so much.”

Laura shook her head.  
It was nothing.  
There for a second and gone again as the wave of irritation rose back up to take its place.

A safe, familiar kind of aggravation that Silas’s nest of self-satisfied vampires seemed to inspire without even trying and one that actually made her feel kind of...strong. Capable of staring their kind right in the eye and not flinching; not giving anything away. Even with her finite and breakable human soul in tow. 

But in that moment... before Mattie’s smug smile turned towards Perry and her focus was siphoned away on a different quest, Laura felt herself twist uncomfortably in that gaze.  
Because there was something behind it. Something that whispered....to the underground parts of herself that she’d spent her life trying not to indulge. Trying so hard not to feed.

And it wasn’t just that Mattie called her Carm when she said it.  
Though Laura had thought...maybe...that she was the only one who got to call her...  
Nope. Wasn’t that.  
That was irrelevant.

Right?

It was more how that predatory stare looked her up and down.  
Evaluating her; throwing her shadow up against the others lined up at the cave wall.  
The others left behind after a thousand years of life. The remnants of people who left no legacy behind them other than a faint memory in the mind of a vampire.

And what was that worth really?  
If you even made the honour roll, was there anything worth staying there for except layer upon layer of disdain? And contempt? For your complete inability to remain.   
To endure.

Laura knew that’s what Mattie saw when she looked around the room at Perry and her. Unspooling sinews and synapses burning down into ash.  
Weakness. On a physical level at least. On an emotional one too.

And most of the time she would be ok with that.  
Because you can’t fight your nature, right?  
You just had to be the best version of yourself you could be.

But...that look.  
It wasn’t just piercing. There was a curious knife like quality to the gaze that seemed to cut through the skin on Laura’s face and perforate the muscles underneath.  
Searching.  
Trying to dig around in the fat and flesh for a kernel of something.

“...There’s something unspoiled here.”

But a kernel of what?

And there it was. The question she really didn’t want the answer to.  
Those small pockets of self-consciousness she’d gotten so good at pushing to the back of her mind throughout the hell that was high school were just about licking their lips at the enquiry.  
Awake now. Waiting for her to form an answer.

 

Laura couldn’t decide which was worse though.  
That Mattie might weigh her up in the time it took to look her way and realise.... Realise that there was no kernel, no seed to explain why Carmilla had thrown her life away over some small, disruptive college student. That there was nothing extraordinary about her, no spark buried inside that drew the brunette in and it had all just been one big fluke. A need to break the cycle maybe; a way for Carmilla to change her fate by changing her actions or some other pseudo-philosophical bullshit. That it all came down to Carmilla in the end and in reality had nothing to do with Laura at all. 

Or...

That Mattie used her freaking laser vision to scan her right then and there in that microsecond she took out of her busy broadcast-wrecking schedule and...she found it. That something. That there was some nameless thing to be found. A germ so wonderful and unique and inherent to Laura Hollis that even the great Matska Belmonde could recognise it. Could appreciate its presence even if the consequences of its existence killed her mother and tore her sister from her in the largest of ways.

She wasn’t sure she could deal with that kind of pressure, honestly.

The pressure of being...uh...being what?  
The idea of being able to call Carmilla towards her without Laura even being aware of that fact was just as horrifying. Because she’d seen what that kind of temptation could do when it went unchecked; the whole of the campus had felt its sting. And it wasn’t that Carm was anything other than the most headstrong infuriating person she’d ever met; incapable really of doing anything without a damn good reason. But...if that thing inside of her had set all of this in motion without any kind of intention behind it then what the hell else was it capable of? 

“That’s alluring...”

Laura was barely listening anymore. All she could wonder was; which was it? Either she was the no-one that everyone in her class had told her she was and Laura had simply stumbled into this...crazy dreamscape.   
Or she was the someone. The chosen girl they wrote so many stupid young adult novels about; destined to do this or that and save the freaking world. Or destroy it.   
With thought alone.  
Whichever way the wind blew.

“For a while anyway.”

Lifting her chin as defiantly as she could, Laura clasped the heavy mug in between her hands and stared back at Mattie. Desperately trying to hide the ocean of thoughts rolling about behind her eyes. To conceal what it was that Mattie was looking so deeply for. Or the complete absence of what it was that Mattie was looking for.

And then those eyes turned away and a hand was wrapping itself around Perry’s outstretched wrist. The silent inquisition had moved on and Laura’s whole spine sagged as the weight of it was lifted off her.  
Leaving her alone without a clue as to whether Mattie had been successful or not in finding her answer.

Well, as alone as she could be with the chorus of murmurs still tickling at the the base of her brain. Asking her if she was a no-one or a someone.

And wondering which of those two things would keep Carmilla by her side the longest.


End file.
